My little girl isn’t so little any more.
Alexandra Rose Wilke turns 16 on Monday. She’ll go for a driver’s license test. There will be more boys asking for dates. Soon she’ll be going to college. Career, marriage, children can’t be far behind.
She’s come a long way. It hasn’t always been a smooth road. When she was young, the word stubborn barely described her obstinacy. But one thing she’s always had was a great sense of humor – intentional or not – and a great sense of comedic timing.
When she was in pre-school, I began writing down some of her quips. I called them “Alexisms.” They run from pre-school through junior high. I think they show what a great kid she was, is and will continue to be.
So without further ado, and with the narration I wrote at the time, I present the wit and wisdom of Ally Wilke. (Her nickname has gone from Alex to Ally.)
* Alex was waking around with her shirt tail out and she told me: “I’m not a tuckin-in person.”
* Alex was playing outside at a friend’s house when they spotted two butterflies lazily wandering by. “Those two butterflies are mating,” her friend said with the authority of someone who learned about it in second grade. Later, when they spotted the same two butterflies flying separately, Alex said: “They got a divorce.”
* I was walking Alex to the bus stop. She was bemoaning the fact that “no one plays with me at recess.” “No one?” I asked. “Well, only, Joshua, Paul, Lance, Peydon, Kirsten and not Jason anymore because he moved.”
* Standing at the bus stop, I noticed Alex’s hair was mussed up. I told her that I needed to do a better job brushing her hair. Alex said: “Don’t worry, my hair fixes itself in the afternoon. That’s what makes me special.”
* Driving Alex to school this morning, two weeks before her birthday: “I feel 7 already.”
* We were playing tennis in the street this afternoon, when Alex hit an errant shot that almost hit Patch the cat. Mused Alex, “I lose more cats that way.”
* Alex had finished performing her guitar piece for her music class and next up was Eric telling some jokes. The kids were sitting on a semicircle of bleachers watching their classmates. After Eric’s first joke, Alex stood up and walked to the back of the room where I was standing. I bent down to speak with her, expecting something like “Please tie my shoe” or “I need to go to the bathroom.” Instead, she whispered, “Ba-da-ba.” A rim shot!
* Our new kitten was cleaning himself. I asked Alex, “How did Tiger learn to clean himself, because he didn’t have a mom to teach him?” Quoth Alex, “He must have watched me and Xan pretend we were cats.”
* During a time I was between jobs, I was taking Alex and some friends on a drive, when 3-year-old Will asked me what I was going to be for Halloween. Before I could answer, Alex said, “Dad, you could go as a guy who doesn’t have a job.”
* I was rummaging through the medicine cabinet looking for talcum powder. Alex wandered by asking what I was doing.
“Looking for talcum powder,” I said.
“What’s that?”
“Baby powder.”
“I don’t think we have any. We haven’t had a baby for a while.”
* A nice spring day, Alex and I decided to go for a bike ride. She hopped on her bike, saying, “Let’s go see what this baby can do!”
* We’ve been in a drought all summer. On hot and muggy afternoon, we had a brief rain shower. When Alex saw the rain, she put down her drink and headed outside, saying: “I’m going outside to dance.”
* We were taking Ally’s friend Kirsten with us on a very chilly winter day to swim at the city’s indoor pool. As we were pulling out of the driveway, Kirsten asked, “Which pool are we going to?” Noting how cold it was, I said, “the outdoor one.” Without missing a beat, Ally said, “It’s cheaper this time of year.”
* Ally and I were listening to NPR’s news show All Things Considered. Ally didn’t quite believe the name of the program. She asked the radio: “What if I called you up and told you I got a puppy. Would you consider it?”
* I was talking with Ally this morning about her cat, Pyewhacket. Based with recently acquired fifth-grade math knowledge, she said: “Maybe we should call him 3.14-whacket.”
* Ally and I were at a railroad crossing waiting for a stopped train to continue. There was a small space visible under the railcar in front of us. Using her keen logic, Ally said: “I wish we had a clown car.”
* We were driving to the New Jersey Shore to visit relatives. As we turned onto Long Beach Island, the street numbers started at 15th and began rising. We were looking for my aunt and uncle’s home on 129th Street. I said, “You mean we’ve got 100 blocks to go?” Then Ally said, “Are we still going to be in New Jersey?”
* I was on the phone with Ally asking about the New Year’s Eve party she went to. She went to a sleep over with her friends Paige and Xan, the two friends she generally hangs out with after school. She said, “We stayed up late and acted like idiots.” Then I quipped, “How is that different than a regular day.” Without breaking stride, she said, “We were wearing hats.”
* We were discussing all the Harry Potter books and movies with her stepbrother, Joel, who was just beginning to read the series. We were throwing around titles Joel was unfamiliar with. He asked, “What order do the books come in?” Ally piped up, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.”
* We watched the movie Happy, Texas. Afterwards, my wife said there really was a town called Happy, Texas. Ally asked incredulously, “What other towns are our there? Emotionally Disturbed, Louisiana?”
* We knew this was going to be the last Christmas for Santa Claus. We felt lucky that we had gotten away with it for as long as we did. A few days after Christmas, Ally was taking some trash out to the curb and looked in a bag. She saw the box that her big Santa present had come in. The jig was up. Ally told her mom that she had seen the Santa box and it was OK that Santa didn’t come to our house any more. “But I’ll still believe in Santa for the little kids and the poor kids,” she said. I have never been so proud to be a dad as I was in that moment.
I’m still proud of her every single day. She’s grown into a wonderful young woman with a bright future.
Ally, I reluctantly give you permission to grow up.
Love, Dad
3 Comments
February 3, 2009 at 5:15 pm
What a clever girl you have there. Very nice piece.
February 3, 2009 at 10:14 pm
I don’t know which one is my favorite: “They got a divorce” or “Emotionally Disturbed, LA”
Raven votes for “I lose more cats that way.”
February 7, 2009 at 9:07 am
Lovely and impressive post, you old poop.