Within 24 hours, I had one of the best meals and one of the worst meals of my life. Both were in Ulysses, Kansas.
My wife runs a statewide non-profit agency and was visiting the affiliate in Ulysses. I tagged along for the ride. The 8-hour ride. Ulysses, Kansas, is a pleasant little dot on the map in southwestern Kansas where our Sunflower State meets both Oklahoma and Colorado. It has a beautiful public library, a quaint little downtown, a nice art gallery, pleasant people and not a lot of dining options.
Our first night in town, we asked the hotel desk clerk where we could get a nice meal. She said that a new “supper club” was “good but kind of pricey” and also mentioned a popular Mexican food restaurant. We love Mexican, don’t like pricey, and were off to Pablo’s. Southwest Kansas has seen a dramatic influx of Latino immigrants over the last 20 years, so we felt confident that would translate to good dining choices. My wife has lived most of her life in Houston and has a discerning palate for Mexican food. What could possibly go wrong?
The parking lot was full, a good sign. It turned out to be more like a bad omen. A cavernous building, Pablo’s was packed with seemingly happy people, lots of couples, families, double dates.
Let’s start with chips and salsa. Chips: not great, not terrible.
Salsa: it was perhaps the worst salsa on Planet Earth, most likely concocted from Campbell’s tomato soup and a splash of Tabasco. Eskimos have better salsa. Prisons have better salsa. Eskimo prisons have better salsa. If chips and this salsa had washed up on the island that Tom Hanks inhabited in “Cast Away,” he would have thrown them back into the sea.
Their “spicy queso” was melted Velveeta with mild and not many jalapeños. However, it tasted like the finest Beluga caviar in comparison to the salsa. Time for the entrée. What could possibly go wrong?
The sopapillas stuffed with green chiles and cheese looked interesting enough. We ordered, crossed our fingers and hoped for the best. Our prayers were not answered. God must have been letting prayers go to his Holy Answering Machine that evening.
Not only was the dish, umm, bland at best, the center was chilled to within a few degrees of Arctic. Bad Mexican food + low temperatures = absolutely inedible. We left after a few bites. We couldn’t fake our way through the meal. So much for Pablo’s. I believe the golden arches got some extra business that night.
All we needed was food poisoning to complete the full Pablo’s experience. I feel confident they will lose one of their Michelin stars because of this review. At least we didn’t get Pablo’s Revenge.
The following night we decided to go to the pricey supper club, The Landmark.
Hallelujah.
The Landmark is a small, nondescript building with limited dining space. What they saved on ambience was used in the kitchen. They have a small salad bar, drinks in plastic glasses, plastic tablecloths. Green beans were served in a little fruit cup on the side. But so what.
The steaks were sublime.
My wife had a Kansas City Strip and I had a Rib Eye. They had us at hello.
Tender, juicy, subtle. The flavor was transcendent and awe-inspiring. Truly, I can’t express how good those steaks were. I don’t think Faulkner could have said how good these steaks were in fewer than 832 pages. But, of course, Faulkner couldn’t describe walking to his mailbox in less than 600 pages.
I urge anyone within an 8-hour drive of Ulysses, Kansas, to head to the Landmark Restaurant, 538 S Main St. You won’t be sorry.
A note to my dear reader: Pablo’s is a pseudonym. In the event that someone from Ulysses reads this, likes Pablo’s, knows others who like Pablo’s, knows the owners of Pablo’s (it’s a small town) or just doesn’t want someone bad-mouthing their fine, little town, I’ll keep Pablo’s real name secret so they let me back into town so I can eat at The Landmark again.
Spent the night in Ulysses a couple years ago, so I must have eaten something there, but can’t remember where or what. But, Landmark. Will try to remember that name if I ever get out there again.
Don’t have a website yet. I was raised in Ulysses, Kansas.. and I’m pretty sure I know who Paoblos’ is. Yes, they do have a shortage of a variety of restaurants. My parents ran a restaurant in Ulysses, they retired in 1975. I wish you could have eaten there, they had the best shrimp (and food) ever. Hope you get to eat at the Landmark again. and if anyone from Ulysses reads this.. they’ll probably guess who I am.. you do not have to post this unless you want to.
Sandra, thanks for reading. A new restaurant opened up called something like 619 Cafe (after the buildng number). we had breakfast there on the way out of town. I hope it makes it. Delightful people, good food.
Hi, Phil -
As always, a most entertaining account of one of your adventures. It’s good of you to take the time to produce your blog. I wish other authors I read online would take a little more pride in their work also. It’s a writing skills thing, I guess.
It takes an encounter like yours to remind one that there’s still nothing in the world much better than a really good steak. They’re awfully hard to come by, of course.
Speaking of experiences with Mexican food reminds me of one I had in New Hampshire years ago. Joan and I and our boys were taking a vacation trip through the state and after a hard day’s drive arrived at a town near the base of White Mountain, our objective for the next day.
It was late, so we just headed for the nearest restaurant, which happened to be a diner.
Nothing on the menu sounded exactly great, so I ordered something Mexican — I don’t remember what; it just sounded kind of neutral to me. But it was horrible: so bad that I called the waitress over. She listened to my complaint and then said “What do you expect when you order Mexican food in New Hampshire?”
The logic of her point was so flawless that I didn’t even reply. Just shut up and ate my crackers.
Ron.
I hope you left a big tip. Thanks for reading.